When I went to school today to pick up my four year old daughter her teacher told me that my daughter made another girl cry on the playground! I couldn't imagine her bullying another child!?! The teacher explained that my daughter excluded the girl from a game of tag and told her that she would not be invited to her birthday party. I am the mother of a "mean girl" in the making! Help!

Looks like your little girl has found her independent streak! Around 4, children are really learning to navigate the ins and outs of peer relationships. Our children are branching out socially and preparing for the elementary school years that lie ahead. They are testing the waters of friendships. And these waters can lead to stronger gender and friend preferences (even though these preferences often change on a daily basis). As a result, there tends to be an increase in use of hurtful words and therefore hurt feelings. Research indicates that girls, especially, tend to experiment with their words at this age. No one wants to hear that their child has hurt another’s feelings, but this does not mean your daughter is destined to end up a “mean girl.” As parents, we can try to use these situations as teachable moments. It can be so difficult to teach our children to be respectful of others while also being respectful of our own child’s opinions. It could be helpful to remind Meredith that she does not have to be best friends with everyone, but that she should try to use kind words and include those who want to play in activities. Remind her, too, that if she does not want to play with someone, she always has the option of going elsewhere to play. By simply being aware of the situation, modeling respectful behavior and trying to use such situations to help teach our children, you are helping to set a foundation of respect, kindness and empathy for your daughter.

I am so ready to be done with diapers! My niece was potty trained by 2 years old, and my daughter is already 2 years, 3 months. I know that I should wait until she is ready, but I am not sure what the signs of readiness are.

Way to go! One of the best ways to guarantee success with potty training is to wait until your child is ready. (Remember toileting is one of “The Big Three”.) Its also one of the best ways to guarantee your own sanity through what can be a grueling process. There is a wide range in the natural timeline for when children are ready to make the leap from diapers to undies. At age 2, only 4% of children are potty trained. This number increases to 60% at age 3. At the age of 4, 98% of children are potty trained.

Some signs of readiness include:

• Dry diapers for 1 ½ hours or more
• Being able to communicate the need to go
• Imitating parental behaviors (such as cooking and shaving)
• Eagerness to try using the toilet

Children have varied approaches to toilet learning. Some children do it all at once. Many are ready in the day time before they are ready at night time. Several moms have shared how their children are comfortable peeing in the potty, but not pooping. Another thing to keep in mind is that potty training is not always a steady progression. Many parents report their children go through phases where they are highly interested and phases where they could care less. This seems to be particularly true for younger learners. Incentives like special, coveted undies can help children get excited about potty training. And I hear target practice and sinking cheerios are big fun for boys!

It’s important to remember that every child has his or her own pace, preference and timeline of progression when it comes to potty training. If you are looking for a book on this topic, consider reading “Mommy! I Have to Go Potty!” by Jan Faull.

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